Interviews from Behind My Desk
by Cymbala
Summary: On this show, anything goes, which includes Sora going bald, and even a little yaoi...Chpater 9: Demyx, the rapper. Oh yeah, the apocalyps is here
1. The First Victim Sora

**I don't know why, but I thought that this would be a fun idea! Please enjoy, and if you have any requests for an interview, please tell me!**

_So basically, all these interviews take place on my new show. It's cool because we got cool pictures on the wall of like different Kingdom Hearts stuff, we got way cool **RECLINING** chairs on the set and then there's me. I have a kick butt desk that has like, three drawers and a cool cappuccino machine in the corner for 'those characters' you know? We're in front of a live audience (ahem, you) so this is all unscripted! Anyway, let's get started! _

Janae: _sitting behind her desk _Welcome one and all to 'Interviews From Behind the Desk'. I'm your host, Janae and I will be interviewing characters for you! This season is dedicated to Kingdom Hearts, and if you people love me, we'll do another one! So anyway, let's get started! The first guest on the show is of course the main character, Sora!

Sora: _walks in from the right side of the stage as half the fan girls in the audience scream and prepare their nets for capture_

Fangirls: GET HIM!

Janae: _as the girls begin to run at the stage, she pushes a button under her desk that creates a very tall electric fence that stands in front of the show's set. _

Fangirls: _run straight into the fence and all get electrocuted and die_

Sora: do they have those things in a travel size form?

Janae: yeah, but they cost like a million dollars. Anyway, onto the questions.

Sora: go for it

Janae: because no one has reviewed with questions yet, all questions are from me.

Sora: fine

Janae: So Sora, I have to ask...what the hell is up with your hair?

Sora: _nearly dies of a heart attack_ YOU DON'T LOVE IT?

Janae: no, and I have to ask, when you styled it, where you like trying to copy Yu-Gi-Oh! Or something, because you look like Yugi with a big key.

Sora: I can't believe you'd say that! My hair is beautiful, breathtaking and gorgeous!

Janae: how do you and Yugi get it to spike like that? I mean, it must cost you millions of dollars on gel...or is it yen?

Sora: MY HAIR IS NATURALLY LIKE THIS!

Janae: maybe I should get Yugi on the phone...

Sora: JUST GET ON ITH THE QUESTIONS!

Janae: _quickly makes a mental note to get Yugi on the phone later_ Fine. So Sora, what's it like to be the Keyblade's chosen one?

Sora: Well Janae, it's kind of fun, I mean it's pretty cool and all, but I wish I could go home.

Janae: So uh...it's kind of sharp right?

Sora: well yeah, hence the ending 'blade'

Janae: then maybe you can like I don't know...try and cut your sky high hair with it?

Sora: WHAT IS YOUR OBSESSION WITH MY HAIR?

Janae: listen man, I'm not trying to say anything in particular, but it DOES look like a porcupine nestled on your head and had little porcupine babies.

Sora: I HAVE NO PROCUPINES NESTLED ON MY HEAD!

Porcupines: _show themselves on Sora's head _ Well if THAT'S how you feel about us, KIDS, LETS GO!

_All porcupines jump off Sora's head, leaving him bald_

Sora: MY HAIR IS RUINED! _Runs off stage_

Janae: well, I guess that that's all the time we have for now! Come back next time to see more!

_Ending theme plays_

AFTER THE SHOW

Janae: _on the phone_ hey, Yugi, it's Janae...

Yugi: is this about my hair?

Janae: that's not important. Dude, how do you keep your hair spiked

Yugi: IT IS ABOUT MY HAIR!

Janae: ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Yugi: fine! I'll tell you! The secret is constant electrocution between shooting. Plus it gives you a nice sheen.

Janae: Really? I guess that's why Sora has the thunder spell... THANKS YUGI

Yugi: DON'T CALL ABOUT MY HAIR AGAIN! _Hangs up_

Janae: _hangs up_

**If you have an idea for who I should interview or questions you want me to ask people (they can come back as guest stars) let me know in a review! **


	2. Victim Numero Dos: Demyx

**Alright, I had two people who wanted to see him, so I'm going to do an interview with him. **

_Janae is looking through a catalog for electric chairs so she can get her hair like Yugi. Then, she hears the applause and quickly puts it away. _

Janae: Hello and welcome to the next episode of Interviews From Behind My Desk. I'm the host that everyone gets annoyed with because I have my own show, Janae.

Someone in the audicence: I hate her because she has her own show

Janae: that's what your mom said to my brother last night

Audience: _begins to oooo_

Janae: anyway, today my guest is from Organization XIII, Kingdom Heart's very own Demyx!

Demyx: _comes on stage and fangirls yet again begin to uprise_

Janae: DON'T MAKE ME BBRING OUT THE ELECTRIC FENCE!

Fangirls: _sit back in their seats and begin to plan_

Janae: So Demyx, thanks for coming despite some people's RUDE behavior!

Fangirls: _stick out tongues_

Demyx: No problem. Hey have you already had Roxas on the show?

Janae: No we had Sora

Demyx: so you did!

Janae: No, we had Sora. How does Sora even remotely sound like Roxas?

Demyx: Roxas is Sora!

Janae: do I have to give you a pronunciation guide? Sora, like SO-RAA and Roxas like ROCKS-ASS.

Demyx: Roxas is Sora's nobody!

Janae: So now we're making fun of people are we?

Demyx: you know what? Forget it. Just get on with the questions.

Janae: I'm going to talk to your mother later.

Demyx: yeah ok. Just hurry up.

Janae: this is from Jessikherrka. She wants to know how you keep your hair mullet style.

Demyx: well Janae, I like to use the new popular constant shock treatment method. See, it works really well, especially when you only apply it to the top of your head.

Janae: So, now I have to ask, did Sora use that idea first, or did you?

Demyx: I did. Sora is just a copycat.

Janae: I knew that. Anyway, this question us from me. What did you do before you came to Organization XIII?

Demyx: Well, have you ever heard of a band named KISS?

Janae: HELL YEAH!

Demyx: Well, I was their fifth member for like ever until I tried to liven up the audience with my water forms.

Janae: YOU WERE PART OF KISS?

Demyx: yeah. They were the ones who taught me how to play the guitar.

Janae: YOU KICK ASS MAN!

Demyx: yeah I know. More questions please.

Janae: _calms herself _alright. Now it's time for my comment on your hair. The part of the show where I make a comment about your hair.

Demyx, your hair looks like it was cut with a lawn mower and the left over pieces were glued to your head.

Demyx: WHAT? YOU DON'T LOVE MY HAIR?

Janae: where have I heard that before?

Fangirls: WE LOVE YOUR HAIR DEMYX!

Demyx: _blows them a kiss _thanks babes.

Fangirls: _all die and fall on the floor _

Janae: aww great. Now we're going to get sued again. Thanks a lot.

Demyx: are you almost done with me? I have a reunion concert with KISS.

Janae: fine. Last question. In the game, what were you doing in the Underworld besides stealing the Olympus Stone?

Demyx: _shutters_ well, see what happened was I was on my was back from Mt. Olympus and I suddenly get kidnapped by some guy. He put me in his basement with Aaron Carter, Stewie Griffin, and for some reason 2pac. Anyway, my homie 2pac gave me some help and we broke through the door and ended up in the underworld. Who would have thought huh?

Janae: wow. Well, that's all the time we have today guys so...

Fangirls:_ all rise from the dead and begin to charge at Demyx _GET HIM

Janae: _brings up the electric fence which kills them all and causes the power to go out_ Well, no that's really all the time have so until next time!

_Ending theme plays_

**So who's comin up next friends? Please tell me in a review!**


	3. Roxas Is In The House

**Well, here is the next episode! Enjoy!**

_Janae is sitting behind her desk trying to start a fire with two pencils when she hears the beginning music and then quickly puts them away. _

Janae: hello there people to the next episode of Interviews from Behind My Desk. This is the desk _taps desk_ and I'm the host, Janae.

Audience: _begins to clap_

Janae: SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO DO A SHOW HERE! My God, some people are really rude!

Audience: _stays quiet_

Janae: anyway, today, my guest is Organization XIII's number thirteen, Roxas, aka Sora's Nobody.

Roxas: _walks on the stage_

Audience: _looks at Janae who nods, then they begin to clap_

Janae: Well Roxas, thanks for coming on the show.

Roxas: can we hurry this up? Sora's asleep again since I left the body and Riku is looking for me.

Janae: wow, I wish I could separate from my own body. I'd be like Floating Head Doctor on the show Scrubs.

Roxas: hurry up with the questions! Riku's wrath is coming!

Janae: alright, alright. Roxas, why do you have one white ring and one black one?

Roxas: because it represents that I am not accepted by the darkness or the light. HURRY IT UP WOMAN!

Janae: why must you rush me? ART TAKES TIME!

Roxas: BUT THE WRATH OF RIKU DOES NOT!

Janae: this place is protected by an electric fence. If it can stop fangirls, it can stop anything!

Roxas: ARE YOU...wait you said fangirls? Where are they anyway?

Janae: I got really sick of them ruining the show, so I sent them to the Bahamas to swoon over surfers and other people who don't have electric fences!

Roxas: ok then, continue with the questions!

Janae: Roxas, if I hit you right now, will blue orbs come flying out?

Roxas: what the hell kind of question is that?

Janae: yes or no?

Roxas: that's only in Struggle battles!

Janae: I seem to be struggling to get an answer from you. Does that count?

Roxas: N...you know, I don't know...let's try!

Janae: _picks up her chair and throws it at Roxas, after which blue balls go flying everywhere_

Roxas: _quickly recovers from the concussion_ that was pretty cool!

Janae: anything can happen on this show! Just ask Sora!

Roxas: oh yeah, I've been meaning to ask you. Why is Sora bald?

Janae: because all the porcupines that lived on his head went bye bye.

Roxas: he insulted them again didn't he? I lay dormant for a few months and I come back and he's bald. I just can't leave people alone.

Janae: and now it's time for hair commentary. The part of the show where I make a comment about your hair.

Roxas: see what happens when I leave the world alone? Crazy people get their own shows and comment about things we don't care about. I shouldn't have left...

Janae: Roxas, your hair looks so sharp that if I pushed it against glass, it would be a glass cutter. Not to mention that it's so tall. It's like you've got Memory's Skyscraper on your head.

Roxas: well, can I share a secret with you guys?

Janae: on national television? Sure!

Roxas: _sifts through the towering spikes on his hair and pulls it apart to reveal a miniature Memory's Skyscraper_

Audience: _begins to cheer wildly_

Janae: wow, that's pretty cool! So that's how you get it to stick straight up.

Roxas: _covers skyscraper with his hair again_ yeah, that and the shock treatments.

Janae: I NEED TO GET THAT TREATMENT!

_Suddenly, the left wall breaks down and Riku shows up_

Riku: _points at Roxas_ YOU! YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO BE INSIDE SORA! _Goes in and grabs Roxas_

Roxas: _is getting pulled by Riku off stage_ YOU SAID HE COULDN'T GET ME!

Janae: _looking at her nails_ yeah, I forgot that the fence got burned out thanks to the last hoard of fangirls. Bye!

Roxas: I'LL BE BAAAAAAACK

Riku: _clunks him on the head_ SHUT UP! SHE'S TRYING TO DO A SHOW! _Pulls Roxas away_

Janae: well, I have to go get an electrician for my fence! See you next time!

_Ending theme plays_


	4. Kairi, Now With Sex Appeal!

**You know the drill. Two more people wanted her, so here she is!**

_Janae is looking through the phone book for a good electrician, when the opening theme begins to play, and she puts it away._

Janae: Welcome to the next episode of Interviews from Behind My Desk. I'm your host, Janae.

Audience: _claps_

Janae: oh, one more thing, before we begin, I just want everyone to know that since my fence is still not working, I will be forced to use other means for protecting my guests.

Audience: O0

Janae: anyway, today on the show, we have Kairi from the Destiny Islands!

Kairi: _walks on and the room is suddenly full of whistles and cat calls_

Janae: HEY! DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!

Kairi: _takes a seat_ Why do you only have men in your audience?

Janae: _looks at audience_ Aw man! Let me call the fan girls _calls fan girls_

Kairi: aren't I here so you can ask me stuff?

Janae: I'M ON THE PHONE KAIRI! WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE SO RUDE THESE DAYS? Hello fan girls?

Fan Girl: yes?

Janae: can you guys come back to the studio please? We need some help with the men

Fan Girl: what's in it for us?

Janae: _thinks for a minute_ I'll bring on a really sexy guy on the next episode of the show!

Fangirls: _have now arrived from the Bahamas and taken their seats in 2.5 seconds. _

Janae: well then, on with the show! This first question is from FuN SiZeD. She wants to know how you went from and I quote 'ugh to WHABAM'

Kairi: Um...what?

Janae: what do you mean what?

Kairi: I don't really understand the question

Janae: don't be so stupid, stupid! She's asking why you look that way!

Kairi: what way.

Janae: WHY DO YOU SUDDENLY HAVE SEX APPEAL GIRL?

Kairi: oh. Why didn't you just say that in the first place?

Janae: please answer the question before I am forced to hurt you.

Kairi: alright. That's easy. Puberty!

Janae: there is no way that you could have transformed like that in just one year.

Kairi: are you sure? Cause it happened.

Janae: You have some kind of secret, I'm sure.

Kairi: nope. I just grew up.

Janae: You're not a shape shifter or...?

Kairi: nope.

Janae: ...aw man, we usually have some pretty cool people with secrets on this show! It's all stupid now!

Kairi: Just finish the thing!

Janae: _gets over it _alright, alright. So Kairi, what's going on in your life right now?

Kairi: well, I'm dating Orlando Bloom.

Fangirls: _begin to squeal and scream_

Janae: Really? No that's something you don't hear everyday! But wait a minute, what about Sora? You two looked like you had a good thing going there.

Kairi: Sora? Why would I go out with him? When I went over yesterday, he wouldn't wake up to open the door for me, and on top of that, he's bald!

Janae: wow, the dreams of millions, shattered in three seconds. Amazing. I guess I really messed up his life huh?

Kairi: wait, it's all your fault he was like that?

Janae: and now it's time for hair commentary. The part of the show where I make a comment about your hair! Kairi, your hair looks like red seaweed stuck to your head! Is that the natural color?

Kairi: You're the one who's been making Sora like this? Who the hell do you think you are?

Janae: If I had red hair like yours, I'd be a stop sign.

Kairi: I'LL KILL YOU! _Begins to charge at Janae who takes out a PS2 controller and begins to beat Kairi over the head with it. _

Janae: didn't your mother ever teach you not to take revenge on talk show hosts?

Kairi: What mother?

Janae: oh yeah. Where are your parents?

Kairi: I don't know actually. Oh well.

Janae: I wish I had your life.

Kairi: anyway, I'm going to go apologize to Sora now! Orlando can forget it!

Orlando Bloom: _comes on the show_

Fangirls: _begin to charge but are stopped by a fire wall_

Janae: SEE? LOOK WHAT YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME DO!

Fangirls: _get burned and die_

Orlando: but Kairi, I thought what we had was special!

Kairi: please Orlando. I just dated you to make Sora jealous!

Orlando: But Kairi...

Kairi: no buts! Now make like a Tom and cruise!

Orlando: _walks away and drowns on the set of the Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest set._

Janae: Well, that's all the time we have for today! Bye everybody!

_Ending theme plays_

**Well you heard me. I plan on keeping my promise to the fan girls, so think of a sexy guy you want for next time! Oh, and one more thing, I chose Orlando Bloom because he kind of comes with the KH package since he was in one of the worlds. Bye Bye!**


	5. The Sexiest Thing Alive, Riku

**This one has been voted for a lot so here he is! Oh, and thanks for the questions, they really help me to get going! Also, I really don't care how stupid the questions are, I will ask them, and if you think I'm kidding, try me. **

_Janae is talking on the phone with Demyx's mother, who turns out not to exist, so she's just listening to the dial tone on the phone, then hangs up to start the show. _

Janae: You know, if you don't know who I am by now, then that's really sad.

Audience: WE LOVE YOU MARTHA STEWART!

Janae: and people wonder why I have issues...anyway, today on the show, I have someone very special! Say hello to everyone's favorite guy come back from the darkness, RIKU! GIVE IT UP PEOPLE!

Audience: _nearly has a seizure clapping and cheering as Riku walks on stage._

Janae: you really should just have your own video game.

Riku: FINALLY! SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME!

Janae: Hey, let's get on with it! I didn't have to think as much for this chapter since people came up the questions!

Riku: lazy

Janae: the first one is from Arie Under Presure. She wants to know what's going on in your love life. Oh, also that she wuvs you.

Riku: _looks into the camera _Well, Arie Under Presure, I love you too. I love all my fans!

Fangirls: AHHHHH! RIKU LOVES ME! _All die of happiness_

Janae: wow. You didn't even have to use a fence. Maybe I should keep you around!

Riku: what?

Janae: next question! This one is from Zorel. She wants to know since, you've been in the darkness so long, is it hard for you to get a tan?

Riku: oh contraire my friend, I burn like toast!

Janae: well then, I'll be sure to remove all toasters from the vicinity. Anyway, next question. This question if from lunarkitty14. She wants to know if you like Sora, because you two seem closer then Sora and Kairi.

Riku: _begins to blush_ why are people so obsessed with my love life?

Janae: because you're the sexiest thing on the face of the earth.

Riku: that makes perfect sense!

Janae: I thinks that that's all the questions from the fans, so I shall now be asking the questions.

Riku: _covers his head _oh God, here it comes...

Janae: _smirks evily_ yes, the retardation is on its way. Anyway, how do you feel about chili peppers?

Riku: why?

Janae: I want to find some one who likes them besides me.

Riku: well then, keep searching

Janae: DAMN YOU ALL!

Riku: can I leave now?

Janae: and now it's time for hair commentary. The part of the show where I make a comment about your hair. Riku, are you like the reincarnation of Rapunzel or something because I really want to lock you in a tower and climb up your hair.

Riku: you wouldn't lock me in a tower.

Janae: I have to ask this, in the first game towards the end, why the hell did you have that grass skirt thing?

Riku: IT WAS A KILT

Janae: you ain't Scottish!

Riku: Aye, that's where you're wrong my wee lass. I'm five percen' Scottish!

Janae: wow, I know a Scottish person.

Riku: exitin isn' it?

Janae: why are you like cutting off the last letter of each word?

Riku: it's a Scottish thing.

Janae: Riku, would you consider yourself to be vain?

Riku: What? Just because I AM the sexiest thing alive, doesn't mean I'm vain.

Janae: uh huh...OH GOD, IS THAT A MIRROR?

Riku: WHERE?

Janae: ahahahahaha you is un liar with the pants engorged with flames!

Riku: I can't take much more of this. I'm leaving.

Janae: oh no you're not. My fence has been fixed, and it works on both Fangirls **_and _**disobedient guests.

Riku: What kind of fence?

Janae: electric!

Riku: cool! That means I can get that cool shock treatment like Sora!

Janae: Sora's bald.

Riku: yeah, I was going to ask you about that

Janae: he insulted the porcupines.

Riku: again? Man, last time he did that, he replaced them with a family of skunks. Looked really cool, but smelled really bad.

Janae: well anyway, we're almost done here, so how about one more question.

Riku: NOOOOOOO

Janae: don't be mean to me! I was going to give you free cookies after the show, but now I won't!

Riku: ...crap

Janae: well then I guess that that's all the time we have so...

Riku: FREEDOM! _Runs out of the building creating another hole in the wall. _

Janae: he is so..._picks something up from the floor _what's this...DUDE! IT'S RIKU'S LOCKET! _Smiles evilly_ this could be good...

_Ending theme plays_

**Oooo lookie lookie what I found. Anyway, Axel is coming up next, and he's going to help me open the locket! What shall I find?**


	6. A to the X to the E to the L

**I promised a friend that I'd do Axel next, cause she really wants to see him! Anyway, here we go!**

_Janae is trying to scare the locket open when the opening music begins to play. _

Janae: oh yeah, I forgot that I had to entertain you people...

Audience: We want a guest! We want a guest!

Janae: and I want a cool shock treatment hairstyle like Yugi, but we're all going to have to live.

Axel: _walks in from no where_ I'll be your guest. I've got nothing better to do.

Janae: _sighs_ and I was really looking forward to a day off...

Axel: too bad cause I'm here. Got it memorized?

Janae: yes Axel, I generally do. Anyway, let's get on with it. I need to open this thing.

Axel: what thing?

Janae: this question is from Roxasheart654. She wants to know how you got those tattoos on your face.

Axel: all I have to say, is never go drinking with the Fall Out Boys, and when you're feeling emotional, don't wear heavy mascara.

Janae: _feeling emotional _ I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN THE STUPID NECLACE! WAHHHHHHHH!

Axel: thank heaven you aren't wearing makeup.

Janae: _no longer emotional _Roxasheart654 also wants to know how you keep your hair all red like that.

Axel: I once had a promising career as a stop sign.

Janae: I wish I could stop this show. I want to open the thing.

Axel: is that all you're going to talk about?

Janae: until it is open, yes.

Axel: I'll help you once you finish the questions.

Janae: Huzzah! Anyway, from pinkmonkeybomber, she wants to know what you did with Kairi after you kidnapped her.

Axel: _begins to cower in fear _Oh God...it was awful...she kept on...touching me...saying "you like that? You like that?"

Janae: _is in awe _wow Kairi, lonely much?

Axel: I feel so dirty...

Janae: I feel so uncaring, now let's go, chop chop with the opening of the locket!

Axel: you don't care about me or my struggle!

Fangirls: AXEL, WE'RE HERE FOR YOU!

Axel: AHH! FEMALES!

Janae: and what do you call me?

Axel: 0-o...

Janae: I'll get you later, now help me with this thing!

Axel: _takes out his flaming gear things _how about I pick it open with one of these?

Janae: it's worth a shot!

_They try it and it doesn't work_

Janae: man, how the hell are we going to get this thing open?

Axel: have you tried scaring it?

Janae: yeah! I've even tried dynamite, tomato surprise, acid, Hillary Duff's music, everything!

Axel: wow, even the horrible sounds of her voice didn't work?

Janae: no! and this is really driving me nuts!

Axel: what can we do?

Janae: and now it's time for hair commentary, the part of the show where I make a comment about your hair. Axel, you look like you rode a rollercoaster so much that your hair got stuck that way.

Axel: _is looking at the locket when he notices a button _dude, I think I just figured out how to open it.

Janae: really?

Axel: _pushes button and the locket opens _yep.

_Both take a look inside the locket and pull away immediately_

Janae: WHAT THE HELL?

Axel: IS HE CRAZY?

Riku: _comes back to the show realizing he forgot the locket _IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!

Janae: _about to barf _ that is just wrong man!

Riku: It's not mine! It's Kairi's!

Axel: _comes back from the bathroom _that is just sick man

Riku: what's so bad about it?

Janae: DUDE! WHY DO YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF NOT ONLY HILLARY DUFF IN YOUR LOCKET, BUT SORA TOO?

Riku: I stand by my rights!

Axel: dude, you are so going to hell for liking her

Riku: That's why I thank God everyday that I'm not religious! FAREWELL! _Runs off_

Janae: thank the lord above that that's all the time we have. Bye... uh

Janae&Axel: we feel so dirty

Axel: Got it memorized?

_Ending theme plays _

**So what's next peeps? **


	7. Sephiroth aka MasterCard

**I don't know anything about him except in kingdom hearts, but I'm going to try my best!**

_Janae is listening to the Avenue Q soundtrack and gets to the song 'if you were gay'_

Janae: I should so sing this song to Riku...

_Beginning theme plays_

Janae: oh crap, are we on? Um... oh yeah! Welcome to the show people, I am the host if you haven't figured it out by now.

Voice from behind curtain: do I come on yet?

Janae: no stupid, wait until I introduce you! Anyway, today, our guest has been in more video games then one, everyone please welcome Sephiroth.

Sephiroth: _walks on stage_

Janae: _looks around _where are the Fangirls?

Sephiroth: I killed them all.

Janae: why'd you do that?

Sephiroth: they were asking me for children. I don't do children.

Janae: oh well, they'll be back before chapter's end, they always are. Anyway, on with the questions. The first few are from ShadowShapeshifterAndHerCat. The first thing she wants to know is about your hair. Is it naturally silver or is it colored.

Sephiroth: How dare you insult me! My hair is platinum and cost my eight thousand munny!

Janae: cry me a river MJ. Anywho, she also wants to know what the H-E- double hockey stick is up with that ten foot sword?

Sephiroth: I was vacationing in whoville, and I met the Grinch, but I didn't want to touch him, so I picked up the nearest thing and I've had it ever since.

Janae: yeah Jim Carry is weird like that. Shadow wants to know what's up the your background music.

Sephiroth: My close friend Barney had some spare time, so he wrote me that score.

Janae: you really never know what you'll find on kid's shows. I mean what's next, Dora the Explorer working a porno shop?

Sephiroth: actually...

Janae: NEVERMIND! Anyway, lastly, from Shadow, she wants to know why you have the wing.

Sephiroth: it makes me look cool.

Janae: ok, and continuing with your wing, FuN SiZeD wants to know how you are able to fly with only one wing.

Sephiroth: actually, it's only for show. I can fly because there are wires set up where ever I go.

Janae: OOO PHONY!

Sephiroth: whatever

Janae: anyway, I gotta know, why on earth are you so hard to defeat in both the games? I mean cut us some slack.

Sephiroth; no way. I have to get back at Sora for what he did to me.

Janae: he just seems to be messing everybody up these day, but alright, I'll bite. What did Sora do to you?

Sephiroth: when Demyx had his reunion concert with KISS, Sora invited Cloud instead of me!

Janae: you're that big a KISS fan huh?

Sephiroth: _rips off shirt to reveal KISS shirt _yup

Janae: and now it's time for hair commentary, the part of the show where I make a comment about your hair. Sephiroth, your hair looks like a piece of paper was glued to your head and was painted silver

Sephiroth: PLATINUM

Janae: what are you a credit card? Oh I almost forgot about one person who had a question! Marissa Because I'm Special wants to know what your views are on our lord and master Foamy the squirrel.

Sephiroth: who?

Janae: Foamy! Foamy the squirrel! DO A DAMN GOOGLE SEARCH!

Sephiroth: alright, alright, don't get nasty.

Janae: I'll be as nasty as I want Mastercard!

Sephiroth: Do you have anything else that you want to say to me before I leave?

Janae: yes, how do you feel about...

Fangirls: SEPHIROTH, WE LOVE YOU! _Begin to charge at him_

Janae: just because you questioned my wisdom on the Fangirls, I shall let them have you, and as a special treat, I'll give you all marriage licenses.

Fangirls: YAY! _Begin to drag Sephiroth out of the studio_

Sephiroth: WAIT, NO I'M NOT READY FOR COMMITMENT!

Janae: But I am so ready for you and your rudeness to leave. See you later mastercard!

Sephiroth: NOOOOOOOO! _Gets dragged away_

Cloud: _comes bursting through the wall_ hey, have you seen Sephiroth?

Janae: who?

Cloud: the guy with one wing and a really long sword?

Janae: was he in Dogma?

Cloud: no

Janae: never heard of him, but if I were you, I'd try Cosco. You can get like anything there!

Cloud: ok, Thanks! _Goes off to Cosco_

Janae: well that's all the time we have! See you next time for the beginning of a special part of the show!

_Ending theme plays_

AFTER THE SHOW

Cloud: _now at Cosco _let's see...isle 32, here we go, evil halves by the dozen!

**So next episode we will begin checking up on people who have been on the show already and what's been going on in their lives! Sora's up first!**


	8. Sora the Monk?

**I've had this idea for Sora since the beginning, so this chapter has been waiting a while to be written. **

_Janae is in the wilderness in a very serene location with a temple behind her._

Janae: hey there and welcome to the show! We are actually now doing a series of specials where we check up on the characters who have been on the show, and first on our list is the porcupine hater, Sora.

Morcupine Porcupine: evil.

Janae: said oh so coolly. Anyway, our sources tell us that Sora has now relocated himself since Kairi dumped him to this temple behind me.

Girl: _walking into the temple_

Janae: excuse me, does Sora live here?

Girl: who?

Janae: Sora?

Girl: I've never heard of him! _walks in._

Janae: _slightly panicking_ well folks, there may have been a little error which I will kill my sources for later, but I really thought that they were right.

Camera man: go check the temple then stupid.

Janae: that's a stupid idea...I'll go check and see if whoever lives there knows where Sora is! _Goes up to door and knocks_ hello? Is anyone home?

Sora: _in a monks clothing_ how can I help...YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME!

Janae: so you do live here! That chick told me that you didn't!

That Chick: _comes out in her underwear and throws her arms around Sora from the back _who's that master?

Janae: master?

Sora: yes, I have a new ails since you RUINED MY LIFE!

Janae: my god, you're a bigger crybaby then Sephiroth.

Sora: anyway, now I am known as Hump-Master Fung.

Janae: Excuse me?

Hump-Master Fung: I am now a monk that comforts hot women.

Janae: why?

Hump-Master Fung: well, you made me bald so I figured might as well go the whole way and become a monk.

Janae: you aren't a monk! You're just attention starved!

Hump-Master Fung: don't be mean to me, or I will curse you!

Janae: to what? A lifetime without hair?

Hump-Master Fung: DAMN YOU! YOU SAW THROUGH MY PLANS!

Janae: man, you are even more attention starved then that Harry Potter kid.

Hump-Master Fung: I hate him!

Janae: me too! I mean really, 'wah wah wah, Voldemort killed my family! Everyone feel sorry for me wahhh!' give it a rest stick boy.

Hump-Master Fung: at least we agree on something.

Janae: anyway, let me ask you some questions. Hump-Master Fung, do you have any plans to regrow your hair?

Hump-Master Fung: I am going to try Janae, I actually just got an awesome offer for hair!

Janae: really? What is it?

Hump-Master Fung: Sonic the hedgehog!

Janae: wow, not only will you have the Keyblade, but you'll be really fast too!

Hump-Master Fung: yeah, it'll be even better then that time I was on speed!

Janae: well then, next question. Hump-Master Fung, is it true that you have a dececed monkey in your bed who you use when you are lonely?

Hump-Master Fung: LEAVE CHESTER OUT OF THIS!

Janae: alright, alright, we're almost done. Anyway, I think everyone wants to know this: who the hell are your parents?

Hump-Master Fung: I've never told anyone this but _takes a deep breath _Gwen Stefani and I don't know my dad.

Janae: _wide eyed _EXCUSE ME?

Hump-Master Fung: see what happened was, I was born a girl, but this guy really hurt me, so I got that 'special surgery' and mom wrote some songs about me. I proved to him I was no holla back girl!

Janae: that is so disturbing.

Hump-Master Fung: that's ok, I know we're cool.

Janae: it's so weird

Hump-Master Fung: it's bubble, pop, electric!

Janae: I may just have to throw up

Hump-Master Fung: take a chance you stupid ho.

Janae: if only I had a bucket

Hump-Master Fung: if I was a rich girl

Janae: oh dear god _runs away_

Hump-Master Fung: wow, that shit was bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

That Chick: are we going now Hump-Master Fung?

Hump-Master Fung: oh yea, drive back baby, let's do it fast in your car!

_In Australia_

Janae: _panting _Thank God I got out of there! Anyway, that's about all the time we have! Demyx is coming up next, so have fun!

Crocodile Hunter: Crikey! An American!

Janae: oh crap...

Crocodile Hunter: QUICK, BEFORE SHE STARTS AN UNNECESSRY WAR!

Janae: CRAP! _runs away_

_Ending theme plays_

**Well there ya go, wait till you see what I have for Demyx! **


	9. TARD, previously known as Demyx

**I finally figured something out that I could do with Demyx! I'm sorry it took so long! Oh, btw, I really feel bad about Steve Irwin dying. He will chase me making sure I don't start a war forever in my heart. If you didn't get that joke, read the last chapter. **

_Janae has now escaped the chase and is now hiding in Kangaroo Jack's house._

Janae: hey everyone, I've been hiding here for few months with my friend Kangaroo Jack and let me tell you, it hasn't come cheep.

Kangaroo Jack: hey! Today is rent day, pay up!

Janae: but I don't HAVE anymore Twizlers!

Kangaroo Jack: _cocks a gun_ WELL THEN GET OUT!

Janae: _runs all the way to NY. _I really need to be in the Book of World Records.

_Janae turns and looks around and sees a sign on the wall of a building_

Janae: OH….MY…GOD…

_On the poster it has a picture of Demyx in rapper clothing, with some info at the bottom. It reads: _

NEW FROM 'OMFG IT'S JESUS' PRODUCTIONS COMES THE NEWEST STAR IN THE RAPPING WORLD: T.A.R.D.!

SEE HIS CONCERT ON THE 21ST OF SEPTEMBER!

_Janae's jaw has dropped because of the stupidity that is Demyx, when she hears something behind her._

Fangirls: OMG, IT'S TARD!

_Janae turns around and sees Demyx walking around like a gangsta. _

Demyx: _sees janae and comes over _What is up, doooooooog?

Janae: _is just staring_ Um….I think I speak for me and the viewers when I say, WTF MATE?

Demyx: Well J-dog, afta da show, I quited the band and became a rapper yo's.

J-Dog, I mean, Janae: really? And how by chance, did you come up with the name?

Demyx: I thought it was obvious yo! It's cuz it stands fo:

**T**he

**A**wesome

**R**apper

**D**emyx

T.A.R.D!

Janae: oh. I thought you meant for the OTHER obvious reason…

Demyx: Hey J-Dog, my homie, who is my biggest sponser, wants to make an advertisement. Can he do it on yo show?

Janae: I don't know if the people care…

Demyx: coolio.

:AND NOW A WORD FROM TARD'S SPONSER:

Do you not like the current president?

Do you want someone who will stand up for our rights while screaming at us to not ask him for more Foamy Fanmail?

Do you want free bagels and cream cheese with coffee for the rest of your life?

Then do we have the perfect candidate for you!

Vote Foamy the Squirrel for President

Or we minions will come after you!

Foamy: I'm Foamy, and I approve this message. VOTE YOU CHEEP READERS!

(For more information on Foamy, go to or VOTE FOR HIM:

Janae: must….vote….for….FOAMY!

Demyx: yep, he is very persuasive. Anyway, let me ax you one mo thing J-dog. Would your viewers like to hea some o my raps?

Janae: I don't know if that's such a good idea….

Demyx: Word! Let's go!

_Demyx suddenly gets a boombox behind him playing a beat and he starts to make rapper signs with his hands._

Demyx: I was walking down the block, when I ran into Static Shock, I pissed him off and he blasted me to the dock, when I took a walk, and almost died. Word….

Janae: WTF¿cuál en la tierra era ése¡Eso era tremendo! (what was that? That was awful!)

Demyx: Yo homes, why you be speakin Spanish, I be ova here tryin ta eat ma sandwich _takes a bite out of the sandwich_

Janae: you can't rap at all! How the hell are you making any money?

Demyx: o, don't be puttin yo breath in my face cause you know it be smellin like toothpaste.

Janae: dude, what kind of skills could you possibly posses?

Demyx: the skillz that killz

Janae: my ears!

Demyx: I'm good so don't hate me, especially since I have a squirrel as my homie!

Janae: look, I con's deal with you, your rap, or your stupid name.

Demyx: That's TARD to you!

Janae: whatever. You just do your concert, and I'll go interview the others.

Demyx: Fine! I'm out homes!

Janae: what ever yos.

Demyx: MAN! I'ma go tell Foamy! _Demyx goes to tell Foamy who then kills him with an acorn for trying to be a rapper and using his name. Then he is revived by fangirls who gave their lives so he could live, but he didn't care. He wen't to his comapny and producced a new single._

:Elsewhere:

Carlos Mencia: and our last Dee Dee Dee award goes to the Kingdom Hearts Character Demyx! He wins the most Dee Dee Dee rapper EVER award

Everyone: _laughs_

Carlos Mencia: that guy is more retarded than Napoleon Dynamite.

Napoleon: Shut up Pedro! GOSH!

**Well, there you go. If you want to know more about these people (Foamy, Carlos, or Napoleon) just tell me in a review and I'll tell you and link you to sites where you can see them. Trust me, it's worth it. **


End file.
